Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
