i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
