I'm pants shitting drunk right now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
