At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
