haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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