it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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