I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
