oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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