Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
