I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize