Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
