We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
