I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
