Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
