I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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