Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I understand Curling. That high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
