Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
