ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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