the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How does one acquire holy water?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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