atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
