im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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