meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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