Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
two words...techno handjob
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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