Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
