coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize