p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
