I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
