His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
