if only i could text you this smell
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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