I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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