I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
