You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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