Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
