was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
