The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
