my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
