I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
