i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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