she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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