He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
