I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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