This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
