I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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