He asked to "fluff my boner.."
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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