ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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