Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
