Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
