you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
