I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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