The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
