bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
