just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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