I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
