I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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