So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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