just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
