Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
