I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
