Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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