i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize