I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
