We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
being pregnant is like rehab
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
