I wish I only lived at night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
