we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
