I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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