He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
