I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
