im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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