In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
