Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
