What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
