I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize