Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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