I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
