Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
