haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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