I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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