Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
