I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
