alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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